That has been one of my intentions for this new year. For background purposes, you must know that I don’t have much patience, especially for overzealous drivers or drivers who like to play musical cars on the road. I provide them with plenty of vile words from behind the safety of my windshield. And don’t even get me started on the slow downs on the interstate and I have to pray that my brakes don’t fail. Throughout all of this, I am sitting in my car seething about things I can’t control when I know it isn’t doing me any favors except raising my blood pressure and adding unnecessary stress to my day. I can’t control how other people drive or the traffic jam that is causing a 40 minute delay on my commute.
Similarly in the grocery store, it always seems that other customers are in the exact same aisle I need to be in, standing next to the exact same item on the shelf that I want. Their cart takes up the other half of the aisle, so I am trapped. Sometimes I turn around and go into another aisle because someone else is just standing there in a daze or looking at their phones. My blood boils as I mumble under my breath how much of an idiot they are. But this also sends me into a tailspin of negative thinking for the rest of the day. For what? I can’t control other people’s actions. These thoughts are not serving me in any way that is productive, and instead, they are just sapping my energy.
I know both of these things. And this year, I’m consciously working on it.
So with these two peeves in mind, driving and shopping, I have been working on being more aware of my impatience and how it makes me feel. This year I am making a note to take a deep breath and muster up more patience and less ill-advised thoughts towards outside circumstances. I am noticing what’s happening internally and acknowledging my triggers. I ask questions like, What am I feeling right now? Why am I feeling this way? What am I getting out of these feelings?
With self awareness, I can foster more efficient responses than my normal go to’s, anger and annoyance. I know that I can’t control what the other drivers or the other customers are doing, but I can control how I react to the people in these situations. I have the choice to let slow drivers or traffic jams make me angry, or keep me neutral. I have the choice to let people standing around in the grocery store appearing to be purposely in my way make me want to throw my tomatoes at them or shop for other items I need and make another pass of the aisle in a few minutes. Consciously being aware of all these thoughts and feelings have helped keep me calm, and in turn, helped me conserve my energy for more important things and thoughts.
It’s only been a few weeks, but I’ve already noticed an adjustment in my attitude. I respond to things better throughout the rest of the day, at work, and in my interactions with others. It’s almost like my body and brain have become so exhausted by all of the negativity that I was inflicting on myself over the years that now it is welcoming the change easily, much easier than I thought it would. Here are the steps I am taking.
The first step is learning to focus on the current moment rather than my expectations, and in turn, I can better accept reality instead of how I wish things would be. I’ve learned to use traffic jams as a time to breathe and meditate. I’ve also succumbed to the chaos of the highway by slowing down and letting the “lead foots” just pass me without incident. It makes me feel safer and I still get to my destination in the same amount of time.
The second step is learning to avoid blaming others for their actions and be more compassionate towards other customers. By refocusing on my own feelings and needs, I can take the extra time to calm down until I have a chance to get back to the item I want. I feel empowered and in alignment with my values, free from resentment or guilt. By slowing down and reflecting on my responses, I gain perspective and self-compassion.
This year I’m starting off the new year on a more positive and patient foot. So far so good. What have you decided for yourself this new year? How will it benefit you? What do you want for yourself and others?
