Positive thinking is when our thoughts remain optimistic about our life circumstances and the wider world around us. To think positively, we must have resilience. Resilience is different for everyone, but studies have indicated that the more resilient the person is, the better they will be at overcoming negative parts of their lives. More often, resilient people have supportive relationships and environments embracing them in times of strife and turmoil. Resilient people are more apt to take care of themselves, which makes thinking positively come naturally.
People who think positively have a growth mindset, meaning they learn from their mistakes, reflect on their actions, and respond differently for next time. The key to thinking positively is to catch the negative thinking early so you can change the negative thoughts into positive ones.
What are negative thoughts? Negative thoughts can vary, depending on the circumstances and the person thinking them. Some include paranoid or untrue conclusions about other people’s actions. I’m guilty of this one. If one of my colleagues ignores me or appears standoffish around me, I begin thinking that she is angry with me for something I did or said. Instead of just accepting that people have bad days, I spiral into a paranoid assumption that I did something to cause the bad mood.
I have also been guilty of catastrophizing an incident or a mistake I made and making it something bigger than what it is. If I mess up at work, I find myself falling down a rabbit hole of negativity, creating scenarios where I will be fired for the mistake when the mistake was minor and could easily be remedied.
Another kind of negative thinking is over-generalizing, where one negative outcome can extend into other areas of your life. After my divorce, my fears and assumptions seeped into my new relationships, preventing me from opening myself up again to love because I was afraid the same thing would happen.
It’s easy to get caught in this negative loop cycle where your thoughts dictate how you feel about yourself and the world in which you live. To change negative thinking, we must work on changing our mindset from negative to positive.
The growth mindset I spoke of before can help with this change in behavior. With time, effort, learning and support, it is possible to change.
Here are three easy things to remember the next time you find yourself in the negative loop cycle:
- Practice self-compassion. We are all worthy of love and kindness, and we must treat ourselves as if we are. Nothing good ever comes from harsh criticisms or judgements towards ourselves or the world. Think of a dear friend who you go to with your fears, worries, and grief. They would offer a safe place for you to speak freely and openly. We need to begin creating our own inner safety zone, one where we don’t feel the need to think negative thoughts all the time.
- Be astonished by beauty. When we are going through anxious times, whether it be on the homefront or in the wider space, somehow nature has a way of making herself known. When I was going through my divorce and was at the saddest I have ever been, I still remember seeing things as if they were miracles. A mother duck and her brood of newly hatched ducklings looked like a gift just for me. Two squirrels chasing each other seemed like they were there to make me laugh. The quiet morning on my walk right before a brilliant sunrise asked me to stop and take it in for a few moments. When I encountered these things and more, my mind immediately found the positive. Nature has a way of allowing us to think and feel differently about the world, at least for a moment.
- Have patience. Changing the way your thoughts go isn’t easy and it won’t happen overnight. But with a growth mindset, and time, effort, and practice, you can reach a more positive state of mind. Keep yourself with people whom you trust and feel supported. Speak kindly to yourself, like you would a dear friend, so your mind can re-regulate itself and find safety within.
When you have a sense of optimism, you naturally gain a sense of confidence about the future and a broad expectancy that outcomes are likely to be positive.
