If only, if only, if only. We probably have these imaginary scenarios pop into our head multiple times per day, depending on where we are, what we are doing, and who we are with. Sorry to say, the If Only visions we have in our minds of a more satisfactory existence are not realistic. Research has shown that humans only have a certain level of satisfaction and once the satisfaction factor has been hit, whether with a house, more money, fame and power, or whatever you think will make you happy, we just spiral down the MORE rabbit hole again, thinking we need the next “best thing” to make us MORE satisfied.
When you are on the hedonic treadmill, it’s always about more, and our society has a way of rubbing that in our faces, or screens, constantly. No matter what your choice of media – the news, social media, magazines or online posts – we get bombarded by the next product, promise, and practical “thing” to make us happier people.
Think about your own experience. How long after you get the new purse, the new car, the new game, the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend, the raise at work until you realize those things didn’t make you feel happy for long? Those things could bring joy in the moment and even for a few months after; however, we return to our baseline level of happiness, which varies from one person to another.
What is your baseline level of happiness? That depends on several factors, two of the biggest are genetic disposition and personality. Another factor is our environment. These are three things that are out of our control; however, there are things we can control.
The first one is our own state of mind. If we can be cognizant of our own thoughts, then we can be more intentional about where they go. To be more self-aware of ourselves and our why behind our desires means we can be more grateful with what we have now instead of thinking “more” will make us happier later. Gratitude and implementing a gratitude practice into your routine is one of the most effective intentional acts we can do to ground us in the present moment and help our “if only” thinking be tamed.
The next one is our choice to spend time with friends and family who love and care about us. The more we are around those kinds of people, the more internal satisfaction we get, even if it’s on a subconscious level. Spend time walking in nature, having dinner together, or having a movie or game night. The more positive your friends and family are, the more positive your own mind will be.
The final one we can do is pursue the activities that make us happy or give us their own innate sense of satisfaction. Whether it be a sport, a hobby, or an activity that brings joy, by spending time in the activity of your choice, you can adapt better to your current circumstances and not have to think “what if” for the future.
No matter how much stuff or how much money you have, you’ll always want more. The thing we need to understand is that money, things, power, and wealth, won’t make us happy. Spending time being grateful, with people who love us, and pursuing your passions are the things that will make us happy for the duration.
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