Monday, 27 September 2021 15:46

Reasons and Lessons

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Do things happen for a reason, or do things happen and we find reasons for them? That question has been on my mind lately. I always thought the former was true, but now, I wonder if it’s not the latter. There are so many things that happen in life that have no logical explanation. Losing my mother at age six is an example. That single incident changed the trajectory of every aspect of my life and many other lives.

I asked why all of my life, but never really got a clear answer. I began speculating on reasons for such a tragic loss. To make me stronger, wiser, more appreciative of how fragile life is? To never take life for granted? To challenge me in some way? My mother’s death could not have been for nothing, could it? It couldn’t have been some cruel joke played by a God who claims love over revenge, or a horrible random occurrence set in motion by the universe. There has to be a reason somewhere.

I think most things happen to make us stronger. We see a lesson, something to help us grow and improve ourselves. I went for a few months unemployed during the height of the pandemic. It devasted me to the point of depression. I didn’t want to leave the house because I didn’t want to be asked questions about what I did for work. I didn’t want to feel judged when I told them I didn’t have a job. It was the same reason we all hesitate when something or someone new crosses our path. We don't want to face the possible repercussions.

For many months, I asked why I couldn't get a job, and I still don’t know why it took as long as it did. However, I did finally get a job, arguably one of ideal position: teaching middle school from the comfort of my home during the most precarious time in contemporary history.

Ironically, shortly after I got the job, my husband told me he didn’t want to be married anymore. Why didn’t my husband love me enough to want to make it work? I obsessed over this question, searched for a reason, a lesson. But the more I obsessed, the more depressed I became. I don’t have a reason, other than he met a married woman with kids and moved on quickly with her and her children.  But that didn’t explain my predicament. I was left alone, abandoned, and depressed, familiar feelings that date back to my childhood.

In only a few months time, I can see how I have changed and grown as a person. It’s what I needed. It’s what I have been manifesting for years. The divorce was an ugly side effect of what would otherwise be a beautiful opportunity and journey.

Not everyone gets the chance to change themselves for the better. But if you do, it can be by conscious choice, or it can be because the right people come into your life to help you on your journey. Sometimes fear and doubt paralyze us, And sometimes circumstances beyond our control happen and we struggle with finding the why.

All I know is that I’m still trying to find reasons and lessons in things that take place, people that come into my life for just a moment, then leave my life but making an ever-lasting impact. Maybe I’ll never know the real reasons things happen. But maybe that’s not as important as I think.

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