Displaying items by tag: truth

When I was growing up, I preferred being outside playing in the dirt or woods to being inside learning how to cook and bake. I liked watching TV and the shows I watched inspired stories and games that I managed to wrangle my younger sister and brother into playing. I rebelled against the “domestic” chores my grandma asked me to do -- laundry, clean my room, and learn how to make meals. I preferred stuffed animals to baby dolls. I wanted to be outside, in the grass and dirt. I wanted to be “one of the boys” like my dad or cousin. 

But as I got older, it was an unspoken suggestion that my desire to be outside getting dirty was “unlady like” and that I needed to be quiet in school and church, and wear more feminine attire. I needed to be more of a girl. Always a people pleaser, I internalized those subliminal suggestions and I tried my best to conform, especially when I was out in public or with my grandmas. I could be more outgoing at my house, but had to reign in my emotions when I was in school, in church, or anywhere out in public.

Once in a while, it can be reaffirming to travel back in time to a point in our life that seemed devastatingly hard in order to see a clearer version of just how far we’ve come. After all, progress would not happen without pain. Growth would not happen without suffering.  

The end of the year brings with it reflections and a look back into the past. I have been thinking back to how much inward progress I have made since my divorce in 2021. This isn’t meant to be a humble brag, only a promise of hope to anyone who has or is going through what seemed like the worst time of your life. These “worst times” changed me for the better. What follows is meant to be inspiring for anyone experiencing the kind of devastation that makes them question its ending and wondering if they will ever see the light at the end of the tunnel.