Displaying items by tag: be true to yourself

When I was growing up, I preferred being outside playing in the dirt or woods to being inside learning how to cook and bake. I liked watching TV and the shows I watched inspired stories and games that I managed to wrangle my younger sister and brother into playing. I rebelled against the “domestic” chores my grandma asked me to do -- laundry, clean my room, and learn how to make meals. I preferred stuffed animals to baby dolls. I wanted to be outside, in the grass and dirt. I wanted to be “one of the boys” like my dad or cousin. 

But as I got older, it was an unspoken suggestion that my desire to be outside getting dirty was “unlady like” and that I needed to be quiet in school and church, and wear more feminine attire. I needed to be more of a girl. Always a people pleaser, I internalized those subliminal suggestions and I tried my best to conform, especially when I was out in public or with my grandmothers. I could be more outgoing at my house, but had to reign in my emotions when I was in school, in church, or anywhere out in public.

By the time I hit my teenage years, I was focused on getting good grades and making myself as small as possible so I wouldn't attract attention. I developed an eating disorder as a way to rebel against “womanhood” and all that it entailed. Of course, I didn’t realize that making my body stop developing was an act of defiance. I didn’t think that suppressing who I was would matter all that much. I was just trying to fit in and be a “functional adult.” But now years later, I can see how I had been stifled from living my authentic self, through no one’s fault. We don’t know what we don’t know until we know it.  

When I got to college, my vision of things changed. My professors shared books written by all kinds of writers from all over the world, including women -- women who were not afraid to write about controversial subject matter. Reading about other women’s stories, whether true or fictional, was eye-opening. It dawned on me that I could also be myself. I read women whom I admired, those who wrote about their stories, even if they were hard and difficult to share. They spoke up about injustices and weren’t afraid to share their opinion about certain issues.

When I was growing up, I preferred being outside playing in the dirt or woods to being inside learning how to cook and bake. I liked watching TV and the shows I watched inspired stories and games that I managed to wrangle my younger sister and brother into playing. I rebelled against the “domestic” chores my grandma asked me to do -- laundry, clean my room, and learn how to make meals. I preferred stuffed animals to baby dolls. I wanted to be outside, in the grass and dirt. I wanted to be “one of the boys” like my dad or cousin. 

But as I got older, it was an unspoken suggestion that my desire to be outside getting dirty was “unlady like” and that I needed to be quiet in school and church, and wear more feminine attire. I needed to be more of a girl. Always a people pleaser, I internalized those subliminal suggestions and I tried my best to conform, especially when I was out in public or with my grandmas. I could be more outgoing at my house, but had to reign in my emotions when I was in school, in church, or anywhere out in public.