Displaying items by tag: self care

Things I Used to Tell Myself:

1. Keep yourself small. Don’t attract so much attention or people will find out how imperfect you are.
2. Be careful about speaking up. Your opinions don’t matter.
3. Try to be as good as others in looks and achievements. That's the only way you will be loved and happy.
4. You aren’t smart or good enough unless you get all A’s. Make lots of money. Keep your body thin.
5. You have to prove yourself to be loved. You aren’t inherently worthy of it without something tangent that can be seen.

I started this website to focus on loss and the complicated relationship it has with grief, depression, and loneliness. The rollercoaster of emotions that naturally comes along with losing a loved one or something in your life that you cared deeply about sends you to parts of yourself that you would rather forget existed. The grief inevitably brings out feelings that once lay dormant and then hijacks every part of your body, brain, and heart.

I have also written about how I have learned to use new-found tools and support from others to overcome the challenges and paralyzing effects grief creates. From podcasts I have listened to, to books I have read, to supportive friends, family, colleagues and healing retreats, I spent the better part of two years trying to figure out how to heal.

There have been very few Christmases that I haven’t spent with my family in Pennsylvania. Growing up in a small town, the holidays were some of the highlights of my childhood. A crisp morning greeted us on the short walk to the humming car, pre-heated and all ice crystals melted from the windshield. The air smelled fresh and clean, as if the snow and cold hit a reset button on the usual scents of, where I grew up, nearby cattle farms.